Bombay School Girls And a Man Named Alaa

Alla_Wardi

There’s about a million variously uniformed adolescent Bombay schoolgirls fantasizing about Alaa Wardi these days. They meet at secret tea parties to talk about him. Tall, fair and handsome. Exotically masculine, intricately Persian, suitably bearded yet clean-cut in an Iranian Abercrombie & Fitch kind of way. “He’s totally got a big talent yaar,” they say, sizing him up like a kebab they can just ask mummy to pick up at Mahim market on Sunday.

Someone at the secret tea party clicks play and (after the ad) there streams forth five unholy, moistness-inducing minutes of Alaa using his mouth to do things that mummy says are chee-chee-don’t-talk-about-only.

They watch him sing Bollywood hits with an Iranian accent, And beat his heaving torso like a drum. And beat box, the bastard beat-boxes, contorting a necessarily wet mouth into all manner of saliva-spewing rhythmic devices. The earnestly-accented Hindi and the anguished expressions at inappropriate moments in the song have our Bombay schoolgirls hooked. They’re going to watch it at least ten more times before the tea party is adjourned.

Entrancing boys and girls of all ages with his look-I’m-a-hot Persian-dude-doing-Bollywood-hits-like-I’m-Bobby-McFerrin, Mr. Alaa Wardi appears to have amassed some momentum. With 100,000+ subscribers to his split-screen-watch-me-do-everything Youtube channel, and views in the millions, the lad’s no Psy but he does appear to be riding a wave of growing interest.


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